Didn’t Get A Sorority Little? How To Cope and Move On

At the end of the sorority big little matching process, there are always a few potential bigs who end up not getting matched with a little.

For these prospective sorority bigs, not only is this a huge disappointment, but it can also lead to jealousy and drama within your own sorority family or with other sorority sisters.

If you did not get a sorority little this time around, understand that you’re not alone.

I personally did not get a sorority little the first time I tried back in Spring 2017.

I was absolutely devastated because I honestly thought I had a genuine relationship with the girls I had met during the big little dating process.

But on matching night I receive the call no potential big wanted to hear: that I didn’t get a sorority little. And I literally sobbed by myself in my room the rest of the night.

Luckily, the next semester, Fall 2017, I was matched with a sorority little and then I matched again in Fall 2018. Was it worth the wait? 100% yes!

So if you’re in the same predicament, know that I’m here for you, I empathize with you, and today, I’ll be sharing a few pieces of advice with you to help you, and other potential sorority bigs who did not get a little, cope.

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Advice for the potential big who didn’t get a little

Understand and recognize that you’re not the problem

When you learn that you didn’t get a little, one of the first thoughts you may have is, “what’s wrong with me?”

But let me tell you, it’s not you that’s the problem. It’s just bad timing.

As long as you were kind and genuine towards all the new members you met during the big little process, there shouldn’t be any reason why you couldn’t have become a big.

You just didn’t rank high enough on your dream little’s preference list. And that’s out of you control.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but your dream little simply had a better connection with another potential big. She may have really connected with you, but it was just stronger with the other girl.

And that doesn’t mean you couldn’t have been a great big to her, she just chose a different path.

For you to heal you need to:

When, and if you reach out to her, invite her to grab coffee together or go shopping.

Show her that there isn’t any hard feelings, that you hope the best for her and her new big, and that you still want to be friends. And who knows, you two could become BFFs who aren’t big and little.

For example, in Spring 2017 I became friends with my #1 pick and we often got coffee together before chapter. And my #2 choice, we actually became sorority twins!

You may also like… Sorority Family Terminology: The Complete Glossary

Realize that it’s all a big numbers game

Matching is a numbers game. And there will always be more potential bigs than littles each time.

It’s like running a race, there will always be only 3 medals given out, even if there’s 100’s of people running the race. It’s just plain scarcity.

And this will be especially true if the newest pledge class was small, which tends to happen with spring pledge classes if formal recruitment was in the fall.

So if the numbers weren’t in your favor this time around, don’t give up on your dream of becoming a big. Your future little could just be in the next pledge class, you just haven’t met her yet!

Allow yourself to cry. Not getting a little is traumatic.

After you get the dreaded phone call about not getting a little, you may feel embarrassed to cry, especially if you are out with your sorority sisters or with your sorority family.

But it’s really ok to cry.

It’s not dramatic.

It’s your true feelings and you should be allowed to feel all the feels.

So go ahead, cry. Call your boyfriend and cry. Call your sorority big and cry. Just freaking cry and grieve over not getting a little.

You did, after all, spend your time and your money going out on dates with potential littles only to not end up with the results you wanted. So it’s ok to cry about all the hard work you put in that got thrown out the window with just one phone call.

You may also like… How Do Bigs And Littles Work In Sororities

Keep yourself busy

After all your tears have dried up and you’re starting to feel like yourself again, you need to keep yourself busy. Just like you would if you broke up with your significant other.


  • Focus your attention on your school work
  • Organize your bedroom or bathroom
  • Treat yourself to something nice
  • Hang out with friends outside of your sorority
  • Work on a side hustle or passion project
  • Etc.

Support other sisters who got a little

At the end of the day, you are still a sister of your sorority, so you need to show up and support the girls in your sorority who did get a little.

That means:

  • Helping them craft for their little’s baskets
  • Helping them play tricks on their little before Reveal
  • Showing up to Sorority Big Little Reveal
  • Helping new bigs set up their reveals
  • Help new bigs capture video or photos of their reveal

Although it may make you feel upset watching all the new big little duos become official, I truly believe going to Big Little Reveal is the best way to get closure to a process you invested your time into.

And you especially need to go if anyone in your sorority family got a little because it would be really upsetting to them if you did not go.

Start saving up money for the next big little process

Sorority littles are expensive… like $100+ expensive.

So use the time up until the next big little process to save up as much money so when you do get a little, you’ll be financially prepared.

Even if you can only save $20 every other week for a year that’s still about $500 to go towards your sorority little’s baskets and reveal.

Enjoy not having a little for one more semester

Although not getting a little is disappointing, it can also be a blessing in disguise.

No little = more money to spend on yourself, more time to study, more time to grow closer with your sorority family, etc.

So take this time of not having a little to better yourself and become an even better big for your future little.

When I finally became a sorority big, I was shocked by how much time I spent prepping for sorority big little week and how time consuming having a little was. And although I love both of my littles to pieces, every big does need some time to breathe too!

Additionally, you can spend the this time reflecting on if you still want to become a big.

Not every sorority woman is required to become a big. And not every sorority woman want even wants to become a big.

And some girls may find the process too time consuming to want to try to get a little again. It’s always a good idea to reflect on whether or not becoming a big is the best option for you.

If you see yourself being:

  • Too busy to spend time with your little
  • Plan on graduating early
  • Plan on studying abroad in the near future

It may not be the best idea to try again for another little the next time around.

But at the end of the day it is your choice and if you find a girl who love you and wants to be your little, she will most likely see past the fact that you’re busy, graduating early, or studying abroad the semester after. She’ll just want you, and only you, to be her big. And that’s the goal, right?

Patience does pay off: Your chance to become a big is right around the corner

Remember going through sorority recruitment and having everyone and their mom tell you, “trust the process?”

The same applies to sorority big little.

Although you may not have gotten a little this time around, being patient and trusting in the process will pay off in the end. And through your hard work and perseverance, you will get a little and you will be able to become the big you always dreamed of becoming.

It just takes time and patience waiting for the right new member to come through recruitment who falls in love with you and sees you as the perfect big for her.

Concluding thoughts what to do if you didn’t get a sorority little

Not getting a sorority little is one of the worst pieces of news a sorority girl can hear.

In this blog post, I shared a few pieces of advice for the sorority girl who did not get a little.

I hope this blog post helped you feel better and more optimistic about the potential of getting a little the next time around. You got this, I know you do!

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