5 Practical Tips to Help You Get The Sorority Big You Want

Want to know how to get the sorority Big you want? In this blog post, I am sharing 5 tips for getting the sorority Big of your dreams.

A sorority Big, specifically YOUR sorority Big, can be one the of most influential people in your sorority.

A sorority Big is not just a mentor, she is your best friend, the girl you call at 2 AM sobbing after being broken up with, or the girl you can ask at the last minute to go on a coffee date with you before your next chapter meeting.

Sorority Big and Little is a huge deal in every sorority chapter and I know you want to have the perfect sorority Big.

But how can you get the sorority Big you want when there are other new members in your pledge class eyeing the same potential Big?

In this blog post, I will be sharing you 5 tips to help you get the sorority Big you want.

We will start with a brief explanation of what a sorority Big is, what a sorority Big Little relationship is, how sorority Big Little pairs are chosen, and Big Little Reveal before getting into those tips. However, feel free to use the table of contents down below to skip ahead.

Although I can’t guarantee you’ll get the exact sorority Big you want, these tips will help you head in the right direction towards making an impression on the girl you want to call “Big” for the rest of your sorority life.

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What’s a Big and Little in a sorority?

In every sorority, there are sorority Big and Little pairs.

A sorority Big is a sorority girl who has been initiated into the sorority and serves as a mentor to her sorority Little(s).

A sorority Little is a new member of a sorority who has not been initiated yet. Prior to initiation, she is paired with an initiated sister (her sorority Big) who guides her through the new member and initiation process. Her sorority Big is also there to mentor her about all things sorority and college.

Essentially, the sorority Big teaches her sorority Little all there is to know about being a loyal sister of the sorority chapter and how to navigate through college life and beyond.

The sorority Big Little relationship does not, however, end after the sorority Little is initiated into the sorority.

Big and Little relationships are *supposed to be* lifelong even after both the sorority Big and Little end their time as active sisters of the sorority.

However, there are times when Big Little relationships do not go as planned (i.e., drama, conflicting interests, growing apart from one another, transferring schools, moving away, etc.), and the Big Little relationship ends.

You may also like: What To Do If You Don’t Get The Sorority Big You Want

Can a sorority big have multiple littles?

Yes, a sorority Big can have multiple sorority Littles.

Multiple Littles can be a lot to handle for one sorority Big, but some sorority girls just love taking on Littles and guiding them through sorority life.

I personally have taken two sorority Littles, each from a different pledge class, but some girls from my chapter have taken on more than two Littles!

You can also add more Littles to your sorority family if you “adopt” a sorority Little. We’ll talk a little more about this topic later.

Here’s some sorority family terminology you might hear in regards to taking multiple Littles:

  • Twins – when a sorority girl has two Littles
  • Triplets – when a sorority girl has three Littles
  • Quadruplets – when a sorority girl has four Littles
  • Adopted Littles – a sorority girl who is adopted into the sorority family of another sorority girl because her original Big Little relationship did not work out.

Can a sorority Little have multiple Bigs?

No, unfortunately, every sorority Littles can only have one sorority Big.

However, a sorority Littles can end up having a new sorority Big if her original Big Littles relationship did not work out for whatever reason.

If that occurs, then she has the potential to be adopted into another sorority family, and then she will have a different sorority Big.

But essentially, a sorority Littles can only have one sorority Big at a time.

How do you get a Big in a sorority?

Every sorority chapter is different on how they pair potential sorority Bigs with new members and how the new members find out who their sorority Big is.

Related post: 7 Tips for Picking the Perfect Sorority Big or Sorority Little

How sorority Bigs and Littles are paired

Sorority Big and Little pairs could be chosen based on:

  1. Random selection
  2. Personality test
  3. Mutual selection

The most common is the third scenario, mutual selection, where new members and initiated sisters who want to become Bigs have about 2–4 weeks to meet with one another on their own time or at sorority events to get to know one another.

The mutual selection process is quite lengthy and can be dramatic/overwhelming, but it is a great way for a potential sorority Big Little pairs to get to know one another before committing to being officially Big and Little.

At the end of the mutual selection process, each potential sorority Big and new member creates a numbered list of who they want as their sorority Big or sorority Little. The list is numbered from “most desired” to “least desired.”

For example:

Potential Big: Amy L – Top 10 Choices

  1. Jessica A
  2. Molly B
  3. Trinity C
  4. Ashley A
  5. Brittney F
  6. Harmony S
  7. Renee W
  8. Bethany H
  9. Tiffany R
  10. Ansley E

New Member: Jessica A – Top 10 Choices

  1. Amy L
  2. Joy S
  3. Lauren A
  4. Meredith D
  5. Ivy O
  6. Emily H
  7. Penelope G
  8. Jamie V
  9. Nina L
  10. Tammy F

In this scenario, Amy L, a potential Big, and Jessica A, a new member, have put each other as their top choice. As a result, they have a high chance of being paired as Big and Little.

But who does the pairing and ultimately decides who becomes Big Little? The New Member Educator.

The New Member Educator, or sister who holds a similar position, will take every single numbered list she receives from the potential Bigs and Littles and will match #1 choices with one another, and then work her way through to match all the new members to a potential Big within their top 3 choices.

After the matches are finalized by the New Member Educator, she will then have the duty to call all of the potential Bigs who wanted a little and let them know if they got a Little or Little(s) and who they are OR let them know that they did not get a sorority Little this semester.

What happens after sorority Bigs and Littles are paired?

After matching is completed, the potential Big is now officially a sorority Big, but she has to keep her identity a secret to her new sorority Little for about two weeks.

There is usually a two week “waiting time” for new members to find out who their sorority Bigs are during Big Little Reveal Week. And let me tell you, Big Little Reveal Week is just as exciting, if not more exciting than Bid Day!

Big Little Reveal Week in a nutshell

During Big Little Reveal Week, the new members are given gift baskets for 3 days from their sorority Big. And at the very end of the week or the day the last gift baskets are handed out, the sorority chapter comes together for Big Little Reveal.

On Big Little Reveal Night, every sorority Big reveals who they are to their Little.

There are different reveal styles, which is again, is another blog post for another time, but you’ll frequently see sheet or box reveals. If you can’t contain your excitement, here are some videos of Big Little Reveals you can gush over!

Sheet Big Little Reveal

Box Big Little Reveal

Car Big Little Reveal

Virtual Big Little Reveal

5 tips for getting the sorority Big you want

Getting the sorority Big you want can be challenging. In a pledge class of 40+ girls, there is bound to be a few other girls wanting the same girl to call Big. However, there are ways you can make your dream sorority Big rank you as #1 on her list on Big Little selection day.

However, there is no guarantee, at all, that you will get the exact sorority Big you want.

Sometimes, the process is not in your favor, and there are plenty of situations where the sorority Big you want is not available for you to have. For instance:

  • She was unable to afford to take on a sorority Little
  • Her grades did not meet the requirement to take a sorority Little that semester
  • She did not put you on the top of her list, aka, there was not 1-1, 1-2, or 1-3 match
  • She is graduating soon and does not feel like it would be responsible to take a sorority Little

But regardless, remember that just like the recruitment process, the Big Little selection process and the results of this process happen for a reason. And you have to trust in the system and know that everyone has your best interest in mind.

So keep an open mind, don’t get too petty, and recognize that you can still talk and be great friends, even best of friends, with the girl you originally wanted as a sorority Big.

Tip #1: Be genuine

The worst thing you can do during “dates”–we called them Moonie Dates in my Gamma Phi Beta chapter–with potential Bigs is to be fake or not the real you.

Faking your personality, your interests, or your life to get the sorority Big you want is a recipe for disaster that will end in heartbreak and drama.

So don’t do it!

If you dream sorority Big happens to be a partier and loves going to tailgates and you happen to hate all of that, then don’t try to pretend you’re enjoying yourself or end up peer pressured into doing something that makes you uncomfortable just to “impress” the Big that you want.

Instead, you should reassess who you truly want as a Big and find a Big who likes the same things as you.

The strongest big little relationships are those who have common interests and who can get where one another is coming from.

Not to mention, having a sorority Big who is on the other spectrum of you in regards to personality, beliefs, or wants something different out college or the sorority, can get frustrating over time as you get to know her better.

And remember, she is your mentor, so you don’t want her to steer you in the wrong direction.

By being genuine, you are more likely to find a sorority Big that meshes well with your personality, your beliefs and who supports your academic goals and will help you get what you truly want out of your sorority.

Tip #2: Make the first move by reaching out

During the process of getting to know potential Bigs, you’ll most likely be paired up each week with one or two potential Bigs by your New Member Educator.

However, just going on “dates” with the girls your New Member Educator pairs with you does not leave you a lot of opportunities to meet every girl you’re eying as a potential sorority Big.

And if the sorority Big you want is not initially eyeing you, then you need to make the first move and get on her radar.

To get on her radar you need to take a risk and slide into her Instagram DM’s (direct messages), send her a quick message on Snapchat, private message her on Facebook, or find out a way to get her number from another sorority sister or girl in your pledge class and reach out to her directly.

Ask her to go out to a coffee shop with you an hour before chapter or grab lunch before your chemistry class next week.

And I know it is scary to make the first move, but don’t be nervous!

Potential sorority bigs don’t often receive these types of messages (they’re usually the ones reaching out), so getting a message from you will make you stand out amongst the other girls she is paired up with. And you never know, you could end being the perfect Little for her and she would have never even known unless you had reached out.

Tip #3: Drop hints to your dream sorority Big

After you have met or gone on a “date” or two with the girl in your sorority you know you want as a Big, you need to let her know that you want her as a Big because it may not be 100% apparent and she can’t read your mind either.

So go ahead, drop her hints and let her know that you want her as a Big and that she should reserve that #1 spot on her selection list for you.

By dropping hints I mean:

  • Asking her to hang out with you more
  • Inviting her over to your dorm or apartment
  • Telling sorority sisters she’s friends with that you want her as a Big
  • Asking her lots of question about Big Little or sorority life
  • Asking her if she’d sit next to you at the next informal chapter meeting
  • Opening up to her about personal things
  • Asking her for advice

Now, don’t be annoying while doing this. Just act natural and be genuine in your efforts, but you really need to make sure she knows that you already see her as Big material.

And if being subtle doesn’t seem to be working, it’s ok to tell her, “I want you as my sorority big.”

Potential Bigs, during the Big Little process, are usually unable to speak directly to new members of who they want as a sorority Little because it could be taken as hazing or Little claiming.

But it is totally ok for you as a new member to Big claim as long as you get the feeling that she wants you as her Little just as much as you want her as your Big.

Tip #4: Be open to being a twin or triplet

For many new members, being a twin with another girl in your pledge class or even a triplet is not appealing.

You want all the attention from your new sorority Big and having another new member sharing your Big would just take that experience away from you.

However, some potential Bigs seriously want to take on twins or triplets and by you not wanting to be one, it can be a huge turn off for the sorority Big you want.

If this is the case, for you to get the sorority Big you want, you need to be open to being a twin or a triplet with another girl in your pledge class or another sister that your desired Big has already taken under her wing.

And let me tell you, being a twin or a triplet in a sorority family is actually one of the greatest things ever:

  • You never have to worry about where to sit during informal chapter meetings if your sorority Big is absent because you’ll just sit with your sorority twin
  • You don’t have to worry about who to hang out with at sorority events because you have your sorority Big or your sorority twin/triplet to hang out with
  • If your sorority Big drops the sorority or graduates, your sorority twin or triplet will most likely still be there as an active sister
  • Having a sorority twin or triplet from the same pledge class as you can be exciting when you both are trying to get a Little the following semester

I was originally a “solo” little with my original sorority Big.

However, my first Big Little relationship did not work out, so I was adopted by another sister in my chapter who already has a Little from the pledge class following mine, so I automatically became a twin.

And having a twin was incredible because it always meant I had someone to confide in and to sit next to during chapter.

So if you are against becoming a twin, I encourage you to be more open minded about it and to think of it as another opportunity to meet and become close to another sorority sister.

Tip #5: Let your New Member Educator know who you want as a Big ASAP

During the process of getting to know potential Bigs, if you find the girl you 110% know you want as a Big, make sure to let your New Member Educator, or sister with the equivalent position, know.

Text her, email her, or tell her in person as soon as you get the gut feeling you have found the girl you want to call Big.

At the end of the day, your New Member Educator is one who decides of which potential Big gets paired to each new member, and if you don’t make it well know of who you absolutely want, you’re missing out on a huge opportunity to get the sorority Big you want.

Also, on Big Little Selection Day, when you are writing the list of your top choices, whether it be a top 10 or top 5 list, be sure to make it clear of who you want as #1.

Highlight her name, draw stars or hearts around her name, add cute stickers, write your New Member Educator a note on the sheet, etc.

Do whatever it takes for your New Member Educator know that you can’t go on in the sorority without this girl as your Big (just kidding, that’s a little dramatic, but hopefully you get what I mean).

Quick Tip

Make sure the list of your top choices only contains girls you would not mind having as a Big. The Big Little selection process is not perfect and you are never guaranteed the top choice on your list. Sometimes random Big Little pairings happen even during a mutual selection process, so be sure every single girl from #1 to #10 is someone you would not mind calling, “Big.”

What if you don’t get the sorority Big you want?

Unfortunately, the Big Little selection process is not always perfect.

Some girls simply do not end up with a Big who was within the top 3 of their choices or a Big is randomly selected for her.

And before you become concerned, this happens very rarely.

The New Member Educator’s job is to prioritize the new member’s list over the potential Big’s list, but when the mutual selection process does match up, meaning there is no match at all, then random selection or a bottom choice pick has to occur.

So here’s what to do if you don’t get the sorority Big you wanted

Don’t panic and don’t drop your sorority. Instead, stay positive and open minded.

When it comes to sorority things, whether it be Recruitment or Big Little selection, you have to trust the process.

So if you happen to be the one in a million new members who did not get the Big they wanted, stay calm and try to make the best of the situation. And honestly, don’t drop your sorority over this!

I’ve seen plenty of girls drop right in the middle of Big Little Week and it is very upsetting to the chapter.

Remember, this girl, your new Big, she worked incredibly hard to create amazing gift baskets and plan a Big Little Reveal just for you. You need to be gracious, because she too, probably was not expecting to become a Big to a sorority Little she barely even knows.

And you never know, this girl could end up becoming your new best friend or a future bridesmaid. You just have to think of the positives that could come out of having a random Big. It will make the situation 100x better and Big Little Reveal less awkward, I promise.

Make the effort to try to get to know one another

So you ended up with a sorority Big you don’t really know or did not even consider as a potential Big. It’s weird and awkward, but instead of avoiding one another, try to make the effort to be Big Little.

Restating what I said in the section before this, you never know what could happen if you gave this new girl, your new Big, the opportunity to get to know you and be a mentor to you.

This sorority Big has a lot of knowledge about the sorority chapter and about college.

And if she is a good Big, she will put forth the effort to be there for you and to guide you through the remainder of the new member process, Initiation, and the rest of your college days. Now you need to step up and put forth the effort as well.

So try to hang out with your new Big once a week.

Even if it is just for an hour before chapter or in between classes.

You never know how much you and her really have in common until you take the time to see the possibilities of this new Big Little relationship.

Make friends with other girls in your sorority

At the end of the day, your sorority Big is your mentor, she does not technically have to be your best friend. This means that is certainly ok for you to branch out and make friends with other girls in your pledge class and older sisters as well.

Just like any friendship, making friends in your sorority takes time and requires you to play an active part in the sorority. So if you are looking to make friends in your sorority or expand your friendship circle in your sorority make a genuine effort to be as active in your sorority as you can.

Try to:

  • Invite your sorority sisters out to lunch or to dinner after chapter meetings
  • Go to as many sorority events as possible–especially Sisterhood and public relations (PR) events
  • Form a study group with sisters who are taking the same class as you or are in the same major as you
  • Be active on social media–you don’t even have to post, but like and comment on other sister’s photos
  • Encourage girls to carpool with you to sorority events
  • Invite sorority sisters over to your dorm or apartment for a movie night, sleepover, etc.
  • Get involved with leadership opportunities in your sorority chapter

You may also like: How to Make Friends In A Sorority As An Introvert

A last resort option: Look to get adopted by another sorority family

If you are truly dissatisfied with the sorority Big you got, you can try to be adopted by another sorority family.

Being adopted in a sorority is not recommended and not usually talked about openly in sorority chapters.

However, if your sorority Big and you are not getting along or she is treating you poorly, then it may be a good idea to find a new Big who wants to take you under her wing.

Finding a sorority Big to adopt you isn’t as complex as it sounds.

Usually, you can reach out to an older sister you have already grown close to and express your feeling about your current Big in hopes she will volunteer to adopt you.

Or you can try to invite older sisters to hang out with you and nurture an impromptu Big Little relationship from that.

I personally was adopted into a new sorority family less than a year after being paired with my old sorority Big.

My old Big and I had a toxic relationship, so I made friends with a girl in the pledge class below me and she connected me with my now, but at the time, new sorority Big.

Getting adopted out and having a new sorority Big truly helped me fall in love with my sorority again and lifted a huge weight off of me.

However, I definitely recommend trying to work things out with your original sorority Big before taking the leap to getting adopted out by a new sorority family.

Final thoughts on how to get the sorority Big you want

Getting the sorority Big you want is possible even when there are other new members in your pledge class wanting the same girl. In today’s blog post, I shared with you 5 tips to help you get the sorority big you want. I hope you find these tips useful to you as you go searching for your dream Big. Good luck!

Related posts on getting the perfect sorority Big

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